Grace x2 Marriage Conference [Part 6]
By Alan Wright — July 26, 2018
Are you ready for some good news?
Good communication in your marriage (or any relationship) is possible when you receive the healing power of the gospel.
Today’s Text: “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15–16, ESV)
Poor communication stems from one of three primary reasons: 1) misunderstanding the purpose of communication (we dealt with this topic previously); 2) feeling unsafe because of law or shame mentalities; 3) fear of pushing “buttons” because of old wounds.
Law-based thinking leads to law-based relationships. Wherever law rules, husbands and wives can never feel safe. If you don’t live up to the standard of the law, then condemnation and shame follows. The fear of not being good enough stifles communication as husbands and wives spend more time jockeying for the superior position.
In other words, when we live under the law, we condemn one another under the law. Fearing the possibility of condemnation, we find reasons to hide ourselves from one another. Communication suffocates under the law.
Related, but different, is the communication killer of unhealed wounds. If the psychological hurt from past emotional wounding is not uncovered and healed, then innocent words from a mate can “push a button” that brings a disproportionate amount of pain to the surface. When both husband and wife carry unhealed hurts into the relationship, both can become wary of communication, fearful of being hurt or hurting the other.
When your heart’s pain is healed by the balm of the Gospel going into every painful memory, you can dare to communicate deeply and graciously. You can be healed and learn to communicate in a whole new way. And that’s the Gospel!